3 Reasons Why You Should Never Rush To Find Love
Have you ever wondered how many of us are not with partners right for us because we’re keeping ourselves unavailable by being with the wrong ones?
We live in a culture where love is often seen as a goal to attain, rather than a natural bond that develops organically between two people. As a result:
We rush love because we have set timelines for ourselves.
We rush love because we’re reaching a ‘certain age’.
We rush love because society tells us we should.
Sometimes we rush love because our ego wants to be in love. And while a fraction of us do get lucky, the prevalence of unhappy relationships, cheating and divorces in today’s times are a clear indicator that maybe our current cultural approach of love and romance isn’t really working.
Love isn’t a status you can orchestrate, it’s a result of authentic bonding and romantic sparks between two human beings. And by rushing love, we set ourselves up for unfulfilling relationships for a few key reasons:
#1. The Wrong Person Can Drain You
A lot of people, behind their masks of sanity, are not really mentally and/or emotionally at the right place to date. Whether they just got out of a relationship and are looking for a rebound, or simply have a lot of growing up to do emotionally, the wrong person can drain your precious energy. We culturally accept this kind of behavior on the basis that ‘love is hard’ or ‘relationships are hard’, but sometimes it just means your partner is not emotionally mature and may even be somewhat toxic.
In a world where we find rushing into love romantic, it’s good to step back and see if this person is really adding to your life, or subtracting from it.
Having been in a relationship with someone who was still not over their ex, I faced this constant draining every day for months. I wasn’t sure why things just felt so wrong and embarrassingly, I really tried to make it work — but that was a mistake I’ve learned from. It was a mistake because it wasn’t my issue, it was his. He had to work on himself, on his mindset and his emotions before progressing our relationship.
Not Everyone Deserves You
Behind the sweet gestures and words like honey, a lot of people are damaged. And it is not your job to fix them, because they have to fix their inner worlds. While this is hard to accept, damaged people will likely not make good partners for you, at least at this time, because they have their own growth to focus on first.
Fear of loneliness can make us act in undesirable ways, and one of those ways is settling with someone who doesn’t deserve us.
Whether they don’t treat you right or simply don’t understand you, know that you deserve a fulfilling match as much as anyone else on this planet.
#2: Love Vs Ego As A Relationship Driver
A lot of people rush into relationships for reasons other than love - reasons usually driven by ego. It’s not uncommon for people to rush into labels before they even fall in love, hoping it will force it somehow.
Labels do nothing but put pressure on relationships. It’s organic and freeing to let love lead you into monogamy, rather than the other way around.
Maybe labels soothe your ego and makes you feel that you are good enough to not be alone, but it is more damaging than you realize in the long run. It can end up being suffocating and artificial, giving rise to expectations attached to the labels instead of letting the relationship blossom on its own.
It’s better to wait and find a lover, rather than to settle with just a partner.
Timelines Are Unnatural
Do we ever just meet someone who we befriend, and set expectations like we should reach X milestone by X weeks to progress our friendships?
No, because that’s strange and forced.
So, why do we do the same with love?
Too many of us are programmed to think that timelines are the way to go for love. What they are only good for is simply our ego.
Timelines give us a false idea that we can plan and orchestrate love — but love is unpredictable.
Just like we can’t plan our happiness, we cannot plan love.
Sure, you can plan events like marriages or labels like ‘girlfriend-boyfriend’, but these contracts will not guarantee you love. If you’re with the wrong person, these arrangements will likely lead to misery though.
The reason we opt for such arrangements outside of love and genuine admiration for one another is ego and/or fear. If you have a partner you’re monogamous with but don’t love or really admire, it’s likely because you fear being alone or not being worthy of love. This is an indicator that you need to work on yourself first, rather than distract yourself from your issues at the expense of other human beings.
#3. Maybe It’s Time To Level Up
Our culture assumes everyone should be with someone or finding someone at all times. But sometimes, being alone can be the path to healing.
Solitude is where you grow. Solitude is where you can really look within.
Sometimes we put too much focus on finding love, especially with how easy it is these days to do so with the advent of dating apps. I’ve been there, and I had let myself be consumed by it. Not only did it leave me drained and exhausted, it took away time I could’ve spent working on myself.
Dating sprees can really dim your light over time. During the breaks I took to step away from potential love interests and reflect on my life and my actions, I’ve grown immensely. In fact, I have had much better luck in love after rather than before my dating sabbaticals.
Romance is largely dependent on your mindset and the energy you project to others, therefore unless you can be your best self from within — maybe this is just not the right time for you to be looking for love.
When you’re your best self — you will attract your ideal partner.
This simply cannot happen if you put your own growth on hold.
Where Can You Improve Yourself?
If you feel the urge to rush, maybe you’re avoiding areas of your life that need your attention, and distracting yourself with the idea of finding someone. Maybe it’s your career, health or simply emotional growth.
We often get caught up in relationships to the point that we start to overlook our own growth.
Unless we are taking charge of our own lives, we’ll continue to have messy lives and we will continue to attract messy relationships as a result.
Sometimes, you just need to step away and level up.
Level up through learning, healing, exploring and understanding yourself and the world around you. Level up through passion projects, crafting your dream career and showing up as your best self. There’s really no end to how much you can grow. And often, I’ve found, love not working out is a sign that you may be putting off confronting your own issues.
Through focusing on ourselves and our own growth, we can become more attractive to potential love interests and also more capable of cultivating healthier and more enjoyable relationships.
Through being more conscious of our choices in love and of the reasons behind why we love in the first place, we allow ourselves the chance to find something truly wonderful and fulfilling in life.
Or we can simply continue mindlessly dating and forcing labels to have one mediocre relationship after another.
But by doing this, sadly, you may only be pushing deep, genuine love further away from you and instead settling for surface-level, uninspiring bonds rooted in familiarity and dependency.
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